Learning to Date Amazement: A How-To Guide that Cosmopolitan Mag missed.
It begins with a break up.
Not the kind of break up that lends itself to tissues and chocolate peanut butter pie; although I am often tempted to date, just to break up, just to fall head first into a justified peanut butter pie coma.
But no, no; this is the kind of break up that stems from a chance encounter. This is the break up we have seen played out in nearly every movie that Kate Hudson has graced the screen in.Like every classic, often predictable chick flick: the protagonist who seemingly “has it all” settles into a relationship that cheapens her worth. The guy is never around. Married to his work. Flirts with other girls. But said protagonist does not give a second thought to leaving. Or finding better.
Until…. That infamous chance encounter with her rugged costar; awkwardly bumping in the lobby of a hotel or at a barbecue of mutual friends.
And she finds herself knee-deep in a ruffled mess of clichés. Falling Head Over Heels. Strange Insects Flapping Their Wings Within Her Stomach. Tossing and Turning in Satin Sheets at Night.
So naturally, a break up ensues.
The kind where things needed to first Break in order to Look Up.
I feel as though I should be kicking my heels off right now, unraveling my yoga mat, and getting down into cobra’s position before tackling this topic. Before attempting to prove to the world that one can date Amazement. Be courted by Amazement. Fall in love with Amazement. What a yogi suggestion. So transcendent chic.
Because I am not talking about men. Or Women. I am talking about Everyday Life and the Amazement that we often forget to wring from those days to sip the sweet juices of being Alive. And Here. And Present.
Should I light some incense?
I had a break up with my own body. A Kate Hudson Break Up with my own self. You want to say it is not possible. I want to say it is quite possible.
We were in a long distance relationship for far too long, as if I were sitting upon a cloud watching a girl live in New York City, swipe her metro card through a turnstile, and bolt off to work without ever stepping foot into her body.
She and I; we were forgetting to talk at night. We were barely ever communicating. I stopped listening to what she wanted. She stopped wanting anything at all. This, my friends, is where you need to either take the peanut butter pie to your face and cry on top of a kitchen table or make a split. Change Something. Change Anything at All.
And while Cosmopolitan can shovel ten thousand tips into our digestive tracts about how to date and date “right” I can sum this baby up in three steps. Three Simple Steps. Beat that Cosmo, come over here and I’ll show you how to date Amazement!
1. Look Up: Girly girl, if you are spending your days watching your feet prance on concrete then rightfully so you should be a little depressed. We are human beings. Translation: We got Tough Times. Rough Patches. Unfavorable Situations. Wrong Turns. Messy Conversations. Selfish Motives.
Basically, we have these messy, messy lives and it is kind of a beautiful thing. A wondrous art if you choose to see it that way.
My favorite line ever, beating the top-notch phrases of Toni Morrison & Maya Angelou, are words written by Chaska Lela Potter that slipped into the vocal chords of Jason Mraz: “Hey, what a beautiful mess this is/It’s like picking up trash in dresses.”
Oh My Goodness. Evoke Imagery Right Now. Lace & Silk White Dresses. Brass Buttons. Sheer Veils. Knees Sunk in the Dirt. Dump Yard. Unearthing Treasures in a Trash Field.
Call me a garbage man’s daughter, but this is the most beautiful illustration of life that I can find. How amazing it is that we have the opportune chance to pick the treasures from the mess of the world and hold them high up to the light.
2. Look Around: When we finally look up it becomes easier to tilt our heads this way and that way and Look Around. Look Left. Look Right. Look Both Ways and Cross Streets.
Suddenly we are swept into a wild courtship with a Messy World and Amazement on her arm; fitting nicely into the crook of her elbow.
Perhaps this is a kindergarten lesson but we have Fingers. Knees. Freckles. Legs to Walk. Lips to Kiss. Arms to Embrace. Lungs to Inhale Life’s Sultry Symphonies.
We can dance. Now. Laugh. Now. Break Up, Make Up, Show Up. Right Now.
And in five minutes. And two hours. And tomorrow. Again and Again and Again.
Amazement in a fine, fine suitor. The debonair skips right over the chocolates and flowers and ties the whole wide world and all its brilliant possibilities up in a silky white bow.
“Here you go,” Amazement says at the door. “And by the way, you have a very pretty face.”
3. Look Inside: Ah, the place often never want to look for fear of the mess we might encounter if we pick around too long. Car Crashes of the Soul. Bitter Feelings. A Whole Collection of Pandora Boxes Full of Sadness, Loneliness, and Unhappiness.
But we must go there, with flashlights, sleeping bags & tents, if we ever pray to be o.k. with ourselves inside & out and to embrace the Amazing Potential that is praying for release.
Dating Amazement starts when we Let Go of the Mediocre Bindings. The Little Problems that seem Oh So Big. The Feelings that we feel will never end.
And we open ourselves up to the truth: We are worth more. There is more than this. We don’t run the show. There is Something or Someone much larger than us that Pumps Amazement into the Place where we Stamp our Feet and Cry out Loud.
Amazement is when admit to being Messes of Skin but admit to wanting something more. Something far beyond average or ordinary.
Be still. Be quiet. Perk your ears up… Can you hear it? Amazement just propped open a window. It is time to crawl through.