I know the feeling: you get that hit of Spring from a series of 60-degree days and you feel your spirit is renewed. Like hope is being restored. Like yes, winter is going to end. New things will grow. And other things will begin to hatch from beneath the surface.
But then another dark day shows up. The temperature dips back down. Your mood shifts and Depression rears its ugly head once again. You’re convinced you’re going right back into the pit. That nothing will ever shift or change.
First things first, we’re so close.
You are so close. Something new is coming up ahead. This winter has been held extraordinary circumstances and we’ve nearly made it to the year-mark of a global pandemic. So the fact that you’re still standing, still here reading this essay, is a big deal. You’re making it. And even if today or tomorrow feels hard, please know that you’re doing remarkably hard things just by showing up today. The victory for today might just be putting on the pants and that’s okay. You’re okay.
I had a day this week that felt hard and overwhelming. I was bullying myself for where I was in terms of productivity versus where I wanted to be. I wasted so much time just sitting in my own gloom when I wish I’d had the guts to give myself the compassion I deserved. I’d go back and say to the overwhelmed version of me from earlier this week, “Hey- chill out. You’re doing fine. You’ve set up these impossible standards for yourself so let’s just take a step back and breathe for a few minutes. The to-do list will be here when you get back. You’re not in a rush. Your worthiness is not wrapped in what you do or do not accomplish.”
Resist the urge to scroll aimlessly + endlessly.
This is a big one. When you’re feeling low, the default is typically to pick up your phone and scroll, scroll, scroll. Soon enough (and without much thought) 30 minutes has gone by.
How are you feeling?
Did the scroll make you feel better or worse?
I know it’s a hard habit to break but put the phone down and get up from where you’re sitting. Stretch. Move around. Clean a dish. Do whatever. But know this: what you are searching for— a way to fill that emptiness inside of you— is not on your screen. Nothing you scroll through is going to lift you up or make you feel more worthy. It’s only going to make you feel lower— especially if you’re not even engaging with the content you’re consuming. The work required to lift yourself from the pit you’re in has nothing to do with what’s on Instagram or TikTok. You have to make the adult decision to put the phone down and find something else to do. You have to dig, and scour, and soul-search, and learn to sit with yourself. Only then will the work begin.
Put it on repeat.
Faith is essential to me. It is at the core of everything I do. But there were times in the past where I would whine at God and I would expect him to change things in a flash. Surprise, surprise— that rarely worked. The same whining would ensue three days later. Then five days later. My prayers were sporadic at best. I hated having to sit before God and wait. I wanted instant results. I wanted him to send down Rapunzel-like hair so I could climb my way out of the pit.
Things did eventually shift for me. But the times where the shift has been most powerful is when I’ve decided to keep showing up, even when it feels like nothing is stirring. That’s when my faith became strong. I wasn’t showing up for the results anymore, I was showing up for consistency. I started to feel the small shifts in my spirit. I started to delight in the process.
If you want to come out of the pit you’re in, you’re going to have to sit with God more than once. I’m afraid that’s true. You’re going to have to become fluent in the art of continually showing up. That is where the magic waits.
Build a life-giving routine.
I talk with so many people who feel chaotic and disorganized like their whole lives are in disarray. And here’s the reality— they may be right. Life might be chaotic and disorganized. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. But here’s the thing: if you overhaul your entire existence, you’ll likely go right back to your old ways in a week or so. Real change— lasting change— starts small.
Just start by picking one thing. One thing you want to do each day. And start to build in that micro routine. Maybe it’s a daily walk that lasts 15 minutes. Maybe it’s journaling a page every single day. Maybe it’s building a routine around some favorite skincare products. Maybe it’s getting a workout in 3 days a week. Whatever the routine, make it life-giving. Make it something you want, not something you feel like you need to do to keep up. Take joy in the process. Find some way to track it— that’s how you’ll start to see the progress stacking up.
And here’s the most important thing: when you fail one day (because you absolutely will), keep going. Don’t take your failure as a sign that you need to stop or haul in a completely different direction than the one you want to be going in. Give yourself grace and show up again tomorrow.
That’s really all life is— a decent shot at this thing called “today” and the hope that we can show up again tomorrow and do it even better now that we’ve learned from yesterday.
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